These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There’s no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you…

okay, i’m just this girl who likes to write

her twisted dreams that started whole

her nightmares that became stories

her fantasies that became realities

the words she made up.

i have a need to write

to get my yayas out

because it’s the way i need to be

to keep moving forward

i listen to music and it becomes my mind

you the word, me the rhyme

i need the sound of keys moving

or i keep losing

more and more of me.

these words are my own

the first were from a song.

music is my heartsong, my nightmare and dreams flowing in front of and around me, laid out for me to discover in this tangled web of my life.

the pattern it continues

and my life moves on

hurtling faster in the race to infinity

i need to type

to lay down a line

a safety net in this tangled web i weave.

i don’t practice to deceive

for it is honesty that takes practice

it is not becoming something you’re not.

when you go to find yourself, see you don’t lose yourself. see that it doesn’t run away.

i ran away from myself once

but now i come out from among the trees

because i and i were lonely.

i type this faster for fear i’ll get bored

and wander away again in your eyes…

i hear those peter gabriel songs coming through my headphones

and life and love and moving on don’t seem like the same thing anymore.

i live my life carefully

but here i speed away on the edge of a moment

i am a little girl running on tiptoe over the void

while i stand behind and watch myself fly on.

i never knew that i could be so brave

i never knew that i could need this so much.

i never know what i’m talking about

when i’ve had no sleep and my mind acts without me

as she runs on, leaving me behind

and i call myself to come back.

there is a power in these rants

a strange primordial mud courses through my veins

hot and wild and uncaring

my little girl self runs on

my hot heart gives chase

and my cold shell of logic stands here in a daze

afraid to leave the light.

the forest welcomes us, and fears us, and knows us

it enfolds me and i hide

i open up the suitcase of dreams

they all spill out

rainbow colored

faded

ragged

familiar

i know these old friends

these tiny feeble sparks

they flutter like fireflies, and i snatch one out of the air

i put in in my head

i open the doors in the house that doesn’t exist

and dream while i’m awake.